The President is now selling early access to his national security posts on social media. Frank has read the Constitution cover to cover. He timed it at 22 minutes. The part about charging admission to official government statements is not in there. Frank looked.
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FRANK ALERT
Congress has a 12% approval rating |
Hemorrhoids also have a 12% approval rating |
At least hemorrhoids are honest about being a pain in the ass |
Frank has noted the similarity
Congress Went on Vacation Without Finishing the Budget. Again.
Frank Would Like to Talk About What Happens When You Do That at a Real Job.
Frank has a thought experiment for you. Show up to your job on Friday with the work unfinished.
Tell your boss you are leaving for a week anyway. Pack your bag. Drive to the lake.
Tell Frank how that goes.
Members of Congress did exactly this on July 4th, with the federal budget still unresolved
and September 30th sitting on the calendar like a countdown clock everyone is pretending not to see.
The Man Nominated to Run the Nation's Intelligence Operation Refused to Answer a Yes or No Question Under Oath. Frank Has Some Thoughts About That.
Frank has a simple test for anyone seeking public trust. Can you answer a direct question with a direct answer? The DNI nominee could not. Frank has thoughts about what that means for the job.
The Government Borrowed $1.8 Trillion Last Year. Frank Did the Math on What That Means for You Personally and He Is Not Going to Sugarcoat It.
The Congressional Budget Office reported the federal government borrowed $1.8 trillion in the past twelve months. Frank will give you a moment with that number. Your share is $107,000. Not your household. You personally.
Washington D.C. is just Hollywood for ugly people who get to use
your credit card. The difference is at least Hollywood
admits it's fiction.
On Politicians
I pay taxes so the government can tell me how to spend my own money.
That's not a social contract.
That's a hostage situation with a W-2.
On the Media
My filter broke in 1987 and I have been absolutely
fine ever since. Unlike cable news,
which broke in 1996 and has been getting worse on purpose.
On Common Sense
They called it the American Dream because you had to be asleep to believe it.
Frank is wide awake.
Has been since 1994. Grunge did that to a generation.
On Freedom
Political correctness is just tyranny in a cardigan.
Frank sees through the cardigan.
Frank also owns several cardigans. He's cold, not stupid.
On Elections
If common sense were an Olympic sport,
Washington D.C. would be 0 and 535.
We keep sending the same people expecting different results.
There's a clinical term for that. Frank knows what it is.
On Spending
The government spent $47 million studying why politicians
are full of crap. Frank could have told them for a Bud Light and twenty
minutes on his front porch. Nobody called Frank.
On the 2nd Amendment
The Founders didn't write the Second Amendment so you could feel safe.
They wrote it so the government would.
Read the Federalist Papers. Not the tweet about them. The actual papers.
On Gen X
We were the latchkey generation. We raised ourselves, fixed our own problems,
and didn't expect a participation trophy.
Now we're watching you people run the country.
Frank is not impressed.
On Bureaucracy
The federal government has a department for everything except getting things done.
Frank has been waiting on a form since Tuesday. The form is about another form.
Frank is not optimistic.
On Taxes
Frank does not mind paying taxes. Frank minds watching where they go.
There is a difference between investing in your country and funding a committee
that studies the feasibility of forming another committee. Frank has done the math.
It is not flattering.
On Term Limits
If your milk has an expiration date, your congressman should too.
The milk, at least, was useful when it was fresh.
On Government Size
The government is like a houseguest who came for the weekend in 1935 and never left.
Still eating your food. Still using your bathroom. Still telling you what you can and cannot do in your own house.
Frank would like his house back.
On Campaign Season
Every four years they discover working class Americans. Show up at diners.
Drink bad coffee. Pretend they pump their own gas. Then they win and go back to Washington
and Frank does not see them again until the next time they need something. Frank is onto this system.
On Promises
A politician's promise has the shelf life of potato salad left in the sun.
It smells fine when they make it. By the time you go back to check on it something has gone very wrong
and nobody wants to talk about it.
On Career Politicians
The Founders imagined citizen legislators. People who served their country then went home and lived under the laws they made.
What we have instead are people who went to Washington at 34 and are still there at 74,
having never held a real job, never met a payroll, never fixed anything with their hands. Frank finds this relevant.
On Debate Season
Frank watched the debate. Both candidates answered every question they wished they had been asked instead of the one they were actually asked.
Frank has been to better arguments at a gas station at midnight. At least those were honest.
On Social Media
Social media gave everyone a voice and somehow made the conversation worse.
Frank is not sure what that says about everyone but Frank has a theory and it is not flattering.
On Outrage Culture
The outrage machine needs feeding every single day. If nothing is outrageous enough they will find something.
They will make something. They will zoom in on a facial expression and tell you what it means.
Frank turned it off in 2019 and his blood pressure thanked him personally.
On Experts
Frank respects expertise. Frank also notices that the experts have been wrong about a significant number of things since 2020
and the correction never gets the same coverage as the original claim. Frank has a spreadsheet. It is not short.
On Patriotism
Loving your country does not mean pretending it has no problems. It means caring enough to say something about the problems instead of decorating around them.
Frank loves this country the way you love someone you are genuinely worried about.
On Freedom
Freedom is not free and Frank does not mean that in the bumper sticker sense.
He means someone has to pay attention. Someone has to show up. Someone has to say something when things drift in the wrong direction.
Frank has decided that someone is him. Frank would appreciate some company.
On the Flag
The flag means something different to everyone who has ever served under it, buried someone under it, or watched it come off a casket.
Frank does not tell people what it should mean to them. Frank does think it deserves more than a hashtag.
On Growing Up Gen X
We grew up without the internet, without participation trophies, and without anyone checking in to see how we were feeling about things.
We turned out fine. Suspicious of everything and fine.
On Gen X and Technology
Frank learned to use a rotary phone, a Walkman, a VCR, a PC, a cellphone, a smartphone, and now apparently an AI.
Frank has adapted to more technology in one lifetime than any generation in human history.
Frank would like some credit for this. Frank is not holding his breath.
On Nostalgia
Frank is not nostalgic. Frank does not want to go back to anything.
Frank wants to go forward to a place where common sense is valued, hard work is rewarded,
and the government stays in its lane. Frank is not sure that place exists yet. Frank is working on it.
On Opinions
Frank has been told he has too many opinions. Frank has been told he shares them too freely.
Frank has been told he should consider other perspectives. Frank considered them. Frank still thinks he is right.
But Frank considered them.
On Waking Up
Frank wakes up every morning, makes coffee, reads the news, and spends approximately four minutes being surprised before he remembers that nothing surprises him anymore.
Then he writes something down and gets on with his day. This is the process. It is not pretty but it is honest.
On This Website
Frank did not want a website. Frank wanted a conversation. The conversations worth having got harder to find so Frank built a place to have them.
If you are reading this you either agree with Frank or you are very confused about how you got here.
Either way Frank is glad you showed up.
On Fine Print
Fine print is where honesty goes to die.
On Contractors
A contractor's estimate is really just his opening offer in
a negotiation you didn't know you started.
On Warranties
Extended warranties: because they know exactly how long the thing's
supposed to last, and it ain't long.
On Phone Systems
Automated phone systems were invented so a company could
ignore you and still say they answered.
On the DMV
The DMV isn't slow. The DMV just doesn't care what you had
planned today.
On Insurance
Insurance companies love you right up until you need them.
On Subscriptions
"Subscribe in one click" should come with
"cancel in one call, forty minutes, and a guilt trip."
On Legalese
Somewhere, a company's legal team is
very proud of a sentence you'll never read.
Frank's Scientific Analysis
BF. ON BS
Frank has developed a highly calibrated internal system for detecting BS.
It was honed over 50+ years of paying attention. Results are non-partisan.
BS is BS regardless of which party is shoveling it.
Washington D.C.98%
The remaining 2% is the janitors. Frank respects the janitors.
Contractors Who Don't Show Up92%
Booked three weeks out, no call, no text, no truck in the driveway. Guess my kitchen fixes itself now.
Cable News96%
The other 4% is the weather and even that's a little dramatic.
Hidden Fees89%
The price says $49.99. The receipt says $71.13. Somewhere between those two numbers is a guy laughing.
Your Neighbor Gary23%
Gary's mostly alright. His lawn could use work but Frank's not saying anything.
Customer Service That Doesn't Serve90%
Waited forty minutes to talk to somebody who read me the exact same page I already read on the website.
Campaign Promises100%
A perfect score. Frank almost respects the consistency.
Fine Print Nobody Reads96%
Twelve pages of legal text so you'll skip to page 13 and just click agree. That's not a contract, that's an ambush.
The Constitution0%
Written by people smarter than us. Read it. The whole thing. Frank timed it at 22 minutes.
DMV and Government Bureaucracy87%
Took a number, took a seat, took a nap, took a mortgage out on my time. Left with the wrong form.
Your Tax Dollars at Work97%
Frank filed a FOIA request to find out where his money went. He received a 340-page document that was 97% redacted. Frank considers this on brand.
Products That Don't Work as Advertised85%
The box said 'assembles in minutes.' Three hours, two Allen wrenches, and a bad word later, I've got a shelf that leans like it's had a few.
Your Local Hardware Store Guy4%
Dave has been there 22 years. Dave knows where everything is. Dave gives you the real answer. Frank trusts Dave more than Congress. This is not a close call.
Insurance Companies94%
Pay every month for years. File one claim. Suddenly they've got questions about a fence I built in 2019.
Political Campaign Ads99%
The remaining 1% is the disclaimer at the end. Even that is read too fast to understand. Frank has timed it.
Automated Phone Systems91%
Press 1 for English, press 2 to lose your mind, press 3 to talk to a human who doesn't exist.
Voter Turnout62%
38% of Americans do not vote and then complain about who won. Frank has a word for this. Frank uses it sparingly. Frank is using it now.
Subscription Services That Won't Let You Leave88%
Signing up took thirty seconds. Canceling took a phone call, a hold time, and a guy asking why I don't love them anymore.
Frank's Morning Coffee0%
The only thing in America that delivers exactly what it promises every single time. Frank considers it a national treasure.
Bipartisan Agreement85%
When both parties agree on something Frank checks his wallet. Every time. Frank's wallet has never been wrong.
Extended Warranties93%
They'll sell you a warranty on a toaster but somehow the toaster still breaks in month thirteen. Funny how that works.
Frank's Give-a-Damn Meter100%
Frank cares deeply about this country. That is why Frank is angry. Indifference is quiet. This is not indifference.
Frank's Monthly Assessment
FRANK'S STATE OF THE UNION DASHBOARD
Ten gauges. Frank's calibrated assessment of Congress, the media, the economy, and the American people. Updated monthly. The numbers will not surprise you. Frank's commentary might.
Frank tried to read the news and something broke. Frank is not surprised. Try refreshing.
Frank's Most Powerful Tool
PASTE THE POLITICAL BS. FRANK TRANSLATES IT.
Speeches, press releases, campaign promises, cable news scripts. Frank reads them so you don't have to lose your mind. Sign up free and get unlimited translations.
Frank reads the news so you don't have to lose your mind doing it yourself.
Every Monday he sends you the week's top BS, rated and ranked, with commentary
that would get him thrown off cable news in about four minutes.
No ads. No tracking. No algorithm deciding what Frank thinks you should know.
Just Frank, a coffee, and an increasingly concerned editor.
YOU ARE ON THE LIST.
Frank will be in your inbox Monday morning. Check your email for a welcome
message. If it lands in spam mark it as not spam. Frank considers this a
personal favor.
FRANK
Frank-Approved Gear
WEAR IT. MEAN IT. OWN IT.
No fast fashion. No corporate logos. No shirts that require an explanation
that starts with "well it's complicated." Frank's gear says exactly what it means
and means exactly what it says. Wear it to a cookout, a school board meeting,
or anywhere someone's about to say something stupid and needs to see
what's on your shirt before they do.
// FRANK REPORTS: Frank got a customer survey asking how his last survey went. Frank is starting to think the survey is the whole business now.// DEVELOPING: Nobody's coming to save you. That was always the whole point. The Founders were very clear about this.// SOURCES CONFIRM: Two parties. One donor class. Zero accountability. Pick your flavor of the same bad deal.// FRANK EXCLUSIVE: I asked my congressman for help once. Still waiting. The pizza I ordered afterward arrived in 25 minutes.// ALERT: That meeting could have been an email. The email could have been a text. The text could have been nothing at all. Frank still had to attend.// BREAKING: Frank scanned his own groceries, bagged his own groceries, then got asked to donate a dollar for the privilege. Frank declined.// SOMEONE HAD TO SAY IT.// FRANK REPORTS: Frank got a customer survey asking how his last survey went. Frank is starting to think the survey is the whole business now.// DEVELOPING: Nobody's coming to save you. That was always the whole point. The Founders were very clear about this.// SOURCES CONFIRM: Two parties. One donor class. Zero accountability. Pick your flavor of the same bad deal.// FRANK EXCLUSIVE: I asked my congressman for help once. Still waiting. The pizza I ordered afterward arrived in 25 minutes.// ALERT: That meeting could have been an email. The email could have been a text. The text could have been nothing at all. Frank still had to attend.// BREAKING: Frank scanned his own groceries, bagged his own groceries, then got asked to donate a dollar for the privilege. Frank declined.// SOMEONE HAD TO SAY IT.
